Luke Wilson gives me a ladyrection.

That is all.

Ride

I’ll openly admit to having a total girl crush on her… and a desire to steal most of her wardrobe from Mad Men. Scha-WING!

But anyway, back to the open letter. I agree with most of it. Especially points one and two:

“We love your body. If we’re in love with you, we love your body. Your potbelly, everything. Even if you’re insecure about something, we love your body. You feel like you’re not this or that? We love your body. We embrace everything. Because it’s you.

Speaking of your body, you don’t understand the power of your own smell. Any woman who is currently with a man is with him partly because she loves the way he smells. And if we haven’t smelled you for a day or two and then we suddenly are within inches of you, we swoon. We get light-headed. It’s intoxicating. It’s heady.”

But I’m not so sure about the whole, drinking scotch and not wearing tank tops bit. As long as a boy’s not ordering an Appletini or something I’m cool with it. And I think tank tops are cute – geek chic… though I think she might mean vests, in which case, I’ll give her that one, too.

What else would I put in my open letter? Probably this…

We think you are the bees knees – if we’re with you, it’s because we think you’re hot. If we stay with you it’s because we think you’re aces. We think you’re smart, sexy, funny, all of it. Don’t question why we do… just understand that we do. And like it.

We like it when you make a tit of yourself – so you got food on your face, danced in public & people laughed, or you said something stupid and we kind of pwned you. Vulnerable is good. It makes us feel better about being vulnerable too. But don’t overdo it; vulnerable’s one thing, needy is another

If you know we’re in the bathroom NEVER speak of it. We go to the loo. If you’re in the house/flat it is almost guaranteed that it will absolutely NOT be a No.2. But whatever it is, do NOT, under any circumstances mention it. We don’t want you to think about us on the loo. We want to be sex kittens in your eyes, not mortal women. Toilets do not factor… except on some, eh, specialist websites.

Now, I can’t be arsed thinking about any more and shall open the floor to my other lady friends. Girls? Any suggestions?

In the meantime, I’m going to look at some Christina pics and imagine myself slinking around in a slinky dress with stockings etc. Purrrrrrr

]]> http://curlydena.com/index.php/2010/07/05/christina-hendricks-very-sexy-and-kinda-wise/feed/ 1 http://curlydena.com/index.php/2010/03/07/exciting-times/ http://curlydena.com/index.php/2010/03/07/exciting-times/#comments Sun, 07 Mar 2010 22:16:37 +0000 curlydena http://curlydena.com/?p=929 So far 2010 is proving to be… how shall I put this? FUCKAWESOME!

And it’s going to get better. There’s so much cool stuff coming up in the next few weeks for me to look forward to, it’s hard not to be a giddy kipper really. What’s on the agenda you ask? Well…

Rugby with Jules next Saturday, in our specially made T-shirts. Pictures of which I shall furnish you all with at some point I’m sure; so that you may revel in their majesty. Even Grace is going to be doing her bit for the Cork contingent & wearing hers too!

Given that one of us ended up vomiting blood & the other got knocked off a stool and subsequently, a concussion after the last match, we’ve vowed to avoid the shots this time though… yeah.

St Patrick’s Day, obviously. Always a giggle

Dan‘s birthday. *bumps* A shoe-in for a fun night.

Then it’s the Blog Awards over in lovely Galway. Which I still need to sort out a frock for.

A visit from my cousin, Nicola.

Last time she came over we danced the night away to cheesy 80′s tunes and laughed like the drunken twats we were, in no small part because of this guy either…

So that’s bound to be a giggle. Girls, you shall be rounded up to join us for some sherbets that weekend!

Then the weekend after, my ma & pa are heading over to see me. I won’t have seen them since Christmas and am already well overdue a dose of parental TLC. By, “parental TLC”, I mean chatting about anything & everything over several pints of stout.

And then, finally at the very end of April, Jules & I are at it again. This time perving over, ahem, I mean watching the rugby down at the Kinsale Sevens. Rugby & seafood & boozing, oh my! There’s rumour of another shirt being acquired for the trip too.

So, yes, lots to look forward to. I’d promise blog posts about it… but I have been unashamedly shit at updating my blog of late, so shall make not guarantees. However, if there’s news that’s worth sharing and which I can share without fearing the wrath of anyone, then I’ll do my best.

Assuming I’m still alive & not awaiting a liver transplant by the end of it all, that is

He wasn’t.

He was low-res. A classic example of low-res man. Nice from a distance, but a bit shocking close up.

I have no idea where I found this image. If it's yours, soz.

So I quickly averted my eyes and continued walking home. Had this song stuck in my head ever since. I’ll never forgive him for that either.

Life lesson? I guess some things are always going to be better from a distance.

So, what have I been up to? Mainly just chilling out back in England with the family over Christmas and then ripping it up in Ireland with friends new & old so far this New Year.

Christmas was lovely – just what the doctor ordered in fact. After a pretty stressful end to the year, I was very much looking forward to getting home & back to Walker Mansions.

It was especially lovely to be met by my gloriously bonkers mother at Manchester Airport, hit the pub with her and my Dad, watch the snow fall & see my Sister and her boyfriend, along with my Auntie, Cousins & pseudo-nephew Dylan too and eat my (ever increasing) body weight in pork pies and red onion chutney. Good times.

Then, in stark, yet superbly enjoyable, contrast came New Year shenanigans. After landing back to a somewhat blustery Dublin (& by blustery I mean gale-force, but 2010 is the year of the understatement don’t you know) I caught up with my two favourite boys, Dan & Alan and my new favourite hearthrob Sam Worthington when we went to see Avatar (and yes, I am VERY excited at the prospect of seeing him in Clash of the Titans – hottie in leather, fighting - what’s not to love?!).

Then came New Year’s Eve, a trip to Funderland with John, cava with my aforementioned favourite boys, vodka, Panti Bar, lots of laughs, some dancing, kissing the bouncer (the only straight man in the village after all) a house party, walking in the snow, another house party, a Toulouse Lautrec impression, walking in the snow, more drinks & then finally, sleep.

After a day of enforced rest, due to the wintry weather we’ve been having of late and Dublin City Council not knowing their gritted arse from their ice-ridden elbow, I headed over to Kinvara to meet up with some of my favourite girls – shares a knowing smile with Caroline, Jess & Lisa.

Cue a night or two of showing the small, rural Irish town how four girls from a not-so-small English city like to throw booze down their necks. Apparently it was impressive as we made some more new friends – tips hat to Mousey, Ger, Tommy & Fintan. Thanks for the giggles boys!

Along with the visually pleasing calendar by the boys of Kinvara United FC (see below), getting said calendar signed, many pints of Guinness, way too many vodka & red bulls (and subsequent caffeine induced heart palpitations), lock-ins & moon-walking.

The rest of the story is embargoed, frankly because it’s more than my life’s worth to tell you. Needless to say, MANY laughs were had and stories will be retold and in-jokes referenced in times to come.

So, all in all a very good couple of weeks and just what I needed. Plus, now that my techno-pipes are working again & allowing me to commit my every mildly interesting thought & whim to cyber-paper, you’ll be hearing a lot more from me (& Dan can stop nagging me to blog more).

PS – Yes, I still have the calendar & yes, it’s getting pride of place dans ma boudoir.

PPS – Happy new year everyone Hope you have a good’un.

I have been on precisely two dates in my entire life; one because I felt mean turning someone down when I was in 6th form and the second about 2 years ago as a “training date” to get myself “back into the game” after breaking up with a VERY long term boyfriend. The rest of the time I’ve just met people, hung out with them and either got it together or not. Standard.

Anyway, I’ve been single for a decent while now and naturally my thoughts occasionally turn to the idea of, well, not being single. Unsurprisingly my friends and I discuss all of this kind of stuff; comparing notes on the boys we meet, sex we have, dramas that unfold, heartbreaks, disastrous dates and all that jazz. There’s not a lot we don’t tell each other really.

Some of my friends have been single longer than me and are pretty keen to find a bloke, some are more laid back about it, but on the whole they are all  a LOT more pro-active than I am about finding a “significant other” (there’s a fair chance this post will be littered with wanky phrases like that by the way).

They’ve all given the whole, speed-dating, online-dating, blind-dating thing a whirl with more than a few cautionary tales to share as a result. Only a couple of months ago 5/6 of my closest girlfriends were all giving the online dating thing a whirl; the other one in a new relationship, so had suspended her membership. All of them were telling me to do the same and were fairly shocked at my outright rejection of the idea.

The problem I have with the notion of online dating is many-layered.

To begin with, for me there’s something inherently unattractive about a bloke who puts himself on a site like that. I’m aware that this is a huge prejudice and in no way grounded in fact – some of my very good male friends have been online dating, and with a modicum of success. Each of them is also definitely on the above average side of attractiveness too. However, I can’t help feeling it’s not a very masculine thing to do (my male friends aside obviously! ).

Plus, I think it’s cheesy, like super-naff. Pre-tinterwebz I wouldn’t have gone to a dating agency either and I don’t really see the difference. Less of the awkward interviews with agency people & cringy video making perhaps, but still, not good.

I am also incredibly cynical (though not quite as much as the hilarious Camiknickers just yet) and am not really great at judging tone when it’s written by someone I don’t know very well. I’d veer from feeling hugely creeped out to thinking I was having the piss taken out of me.

The final reason is that I’m just not that bothered. I don’t believe in “looking” for someone. I’d rather just let nature take its course. People also, largely seem to think you either have to be single or in a relationship, with no middle ground, which fucking TERRIFIES me!

This is where, perhaps, the American dating culture has it right – what’s wrong with going with the flow and just seeing where life/love/lust takes you? Surely if you meet “the one” (wanky phrase no. 2) or even “the one you like most for know” (wanky phrase no. 3) then you’ll simply forego the other people you’ve been seeing; but until that happens, you can just see who you meet & want to spend time with, and hopefully have a hell of a lot of fun along the way. That’s my plan anyway.

Now, just to figure out how to do it without the whole, awkward dating element :-/

Now love, I’m not going to tell you that someone’s going to love you for what’s on the inside, because you’re clearly HIDEOUS and therefore the chances are slim. You might be able to get some action in specialist clubs etc but that’s about it.

I will give you a little bit of advice though; a non-porous fabric such as PVC or pleather, when worn so tightly over the afflicted area is just going to make it worse. Like when really fat people get mold or yeasty growths  in their fat folds etc. Perhaps a hessian sack would be better!?

Until some dude, comes along and tries to “open up your seated group”. Not as explicit as it sounds but hugely annoying nonetheless. You know the type; the sleazy, overly-confident creepy guy that uninvitedly approaches you and tries to charm one/all of you. If it doesn’t work, which it inevitably won’t unless you happen to have already downed several bottles of rosé, he’ll move swiftly on to the next unsuspecting group of females.

The “Shit at a wall” theory in action.

In my head (memory?) the kind of guy that usually does this is also the kind of guy that wears fake tan and overly tight T-shirts (á la Rob Kearney trying to make his pecs appear larger than they are – it’s the male equivalent of a Wonderbra) and carries with him a bottle of “fancy lager”, AKA the guy most sensible women would rather chew their own foot off than go home with.

The thing that’s always confused me about this scenario is really, what the fuck do these blokes think they’re doing?! Not the chatting up girls bit – they like, we like, everyone’s happy blah, blah. But the over-the-top macho, sleazy bullshit that comes with it. Tragically even the most sane bloke can come over (wrong turn of phrase?) all “Love Child of Peter Stringfellow & Jean Claude Van Damme” when “on the pull”.

And then I heard about Kama Lifestyles and all became clear. What appears to be the brainchild (and I use the word brain loosely) of some blokes called Ripped2Shreds and BluePoma (no, i swear I did not make that up!). A “Dating Training Company” where you can learn how to meet & attract beautiful women. They run weekend seminars for an incredibly pocket-friendly fee of €300 – bargain you might say! The seminars consist of 10-12 hours of theory and intense teachings and 6-8 hours of in-field training.

You can even learn some of their techniques online (slightly easier on the pocket I would imagine). My favourite being this little beauty; “The Nuclear Weapon of POA (er??), of relationships, of EVERYTHING!

[Stop Press: The boys at Kama Lifestyles have removed the original link from YouTube Come on lads, don't be bad sports!]

However, here’s one from “Blue” himself talking about Alpha Males – still funny as…

www.youtube.com/watch?v=R08OeIK070w

Well for all potential Kama Lifestyles customers, I’m going to save you a whopping €300 and tell you what you need to know.

1. Girls don’t generally like guys that come across as though they have a vial of rohypnol in their pocket just waiting to be poured into your drink!
2. We do not like being hunted, tricked, sleazed at or generally “gamed”. It makes us uncomfortable which makes you repellent. We’re not just meat and you’re not a caveman anymore (unless, when we know each other much, much better we specifically ask you to be!)
3. We like guys who are themselves – no games, no tricks, no bullshit. Just have a laugh with us and be yourself. If we all have a laugh and then get along, well, isn’t life grand? And who knows, we might just let you feel us up a bit at the end of the night.

Now, I know that the majority of blokes out there will be laughing their asses almost all the way off at the notions of our Kama Lifestyles friends, but some won’t. Some genuinely believe that they need all this bollocks to meet women and they deserve to know that they don’t have to waste their hard-earned cash on this head-fuckery. So, spread the word – it’s not rocket science. We’ve all got our insecurities, but just try to be yourself. We’ll love you more for it in the long run.

In the meantime, girls, steer clear of Dublin on 23rd & 24th May and 6th & 7th June as I am reliably informed there’ll be a horde of overly horny, raring-to-go, recently trained men with an arsenal of “Nuclear Weapons”, scouring the town under the watchful eyes of Mssrs. Ripped2Shreds & BluePoma. Just stay in & wash your hair or count your legs or stick pins in your eyes – it’s got to be better for you!