But now, it seems like the tables are turning and women are the new idiots on the block.

Now, I’m not going to try and rationalise a woman’s right to lust after shoes or even argue that there’s any perspective to it. I’m a self confessed shoe fiend and recently got very excited about the new shoe boxes I bought from Ikea that meant I could see all of my shoes at a glance and am currently wishing away what’s left of the summer so that I can go out and get myself a pair of these thigh-high boots for the winter. Yes I know they’re impractical. Yes I know I might end up looking like a hooker. But that’s part of their charm.

I would however, never do the following:

1. Run down the street in my nightgown (partially because I don’t wear one, but this isn’t about streaking)
2. Leave a baby to bask (bake?) in direct sunlight
3. Abandon a group of small children on the side of a street and let them run along the road after me

… all to get shoes from a truck!

FROM A FUCKING TRUCK!!

www.youtube.com/watch?v=S7zJ2YrW_4k

Fair play to the men of Ad Land for starting to fight back – you’ve had a hard time of it in recent years, but is this really how women are going to be portrayed?! Pesonally I think it just smacks of laziness, from the client and their agency alike. Women love shoes, ergo they will drop everything that matters to them to get their hands on a pair. That’s not an insight, it’s what happens when you leave naff all time to work on a brief and you know your client’s going to buy it because it’s “safe”.

And dooooon’t even get me started on the fact that none of these women has a decent job amongst them – the only one actually at work is a fucking Lollipop lady! (Though granted her response at the sight of said shoe truck does suggest a somewhat limited mental capacity and thus render her perhaps unsuitable for more complicated jobs – hell, she can’t even do this one properly!)

So it’s the middle of 2009 and where have we come since our fight for suffrage, keeping the country going through a world war and 40+ years of trying to break through the glass ceiling?! Well, we’re a bunch of dimwitted idots that will neglect our children, husbands, jobs (and I use the term job VERY loosely here) all to buy some fugly shoes from an out & out dickhead in a pimped-out Ice Cream truck?!

Well, not me thanks Buddy. I don’t care “how you roll” I’m not going to jump out of bed, hurdle over garden walls and into the path of oncoming traffic like some kind of vapid, shoe obsessed bint…

…well, not unless you’re giving these beauties away I’m not.

Now, I don’t know about you, but I have absolutely no desire to see a 50 year old woman flashing her crotch to all & sundry. And for those that do, I’m pretty sure there are specialist publications and websites that you can avail yourselves of which will give you er, more of what you want.

Apparently Madonna & Marc Jacobs think I’m wrong though. They think it’s exactly the kind of thing you should be looking at. Regard.

Seriously like, wtf?!!?! Evoking “Old Hollywood”?!? My arse! I don’t remember Bette Davis thrusting her ladygarden at the camera in All About Eve, or Rita Hayworth showing her wares to such a degree in Gilda, and jeez, she played a stripper! Do celeb types use the phrase “evoking Old Hollywood glamour” to pretty much allow them to do anything as long as they wash out the colour a bit?!

For a while there I was struggling to understand why Louis Vuitton would pick someone like Madge to front a campaign for them again, so I asked Twitter, always an excellent resource for reason and logic

Initially we all agreed that “It’s a bit Readers’ Wives” and “That image is just disturbing, put it away Madge” along with the thought we all had, “She must love her crotch, it’s everywhere”.

But after a bit of debate it was decided that actually it’s a perfect brand association: Expensive, Exclusive, Leathery Purses. A match made in heaven!

Though I am going to say that only one of them can really still be considered a luxury brand these days – I mean, I’m all for a bit of vintage bargain hunting, but there’s only one of the two going to remain desirable despite years of “wear & tear”. Am I wrong?

I am however, slightly terrified about the aspirational qualities of each and am somewhat concerned about any future trends which may involve impressionable teens going out brandishing imitation “Madge Vadges” that they bought off a market stall somewhere.

So here’s my plea to Madge – Put it away love, we’ve seen it before. It’s old and it’s boring. Yes, you may be very bendy for a (late)middle-aged bird, but are you still going to be flashing it at us when you collect your bus pass in a few years? I thought you were all about reinvention anyway – how about reinventing yourself as a woman that keeps it in her pants every now and then. Go on, try it, you might like it. I know I’ll be happier anyway!

Even though I think that astrology is an enormous crock of shit, I do think it’s absolutely the coolest of all the star signs… best of all it gives me justification for having enormous lust over this fabulous pendant from New York based designer, Karen Yost’s company Anomaly Jewelry, which I found through one of my favourite blogs at the moment – Godammit I’m Mad

From her Zodiac Kidz range, I just think it’s bloody lovely! And I really, really want one. Alas, at $290 I’m going to have to restrain myself for the time being, what with the “current economic situation” and all that.

On the bright side though, now you know that I’m a Leo and that means you’ve all got plenty of time to save up for my birthday (19th August btw) and put me out of my jewellery-lacking misery.

Not tooting my own horn or anything, but I’m not usually what you might call sartorially challenged. I dress pretty well most of the time, or at least like to think so. So, I can only assume that I had some kind of brain fart when I chose to buy these from the lovely ASOS home of many a bargain for the budget-minded fashionista (god I hate that word!)

Photo Credit: Asos.com

Now, why would I do this? I have no fucking idea. I don’t even wear glasses, though I kind of wish I did, however, I digress. So, anyway there came a day when my super cool glasses arrived. Did I look any good in them? Did I heckers-like! I looked like a twat!

The glasses have gone back.