You just haven’t met the right guy yet
Or, “Just wait, you’ll start getting broody soon.
Or, “Who will look after you in your old age”.
Or, “But it’s the greatest thing a woman can do. It’s unnatural to not want kids”
Or, “But… but… WHY?”
All things that have been said to me when people learn that I don’t want children. Never have. Probably never will.
All things that are supremely offensive, not to mention hellishly patronising.
I’m a grown woman. Capable of making important decisions. Capable of reading & understanding my own body. Capable of choosing not to expel something the size of a pug (& largely resembling one in many instances) from my vagina.
I love how happy having children makes other people. It’s enormously heartwarming to see the joy that children bring to them. It’s always nothing less than lovely to see people I care about so happy.
But that’s their choice. And I respect it. It’s not one I’d make, but I respect it.
I only wish the same would be done for me.
I read this today and have decided that I will carry with me, at all times, several copies of it and a stapler. I will then proceed to staple it to the forehead of everyone that tries to either talk or guilt me into wanting children.
I don’t.
I read recently that the correct response when asked when you’re having children is “I used to want them, but then I spent time with yours and that changed my mind… ”
) Good on you for knowing your mind, and not being afraid to stick to it!
Ha! That’s a bit harsh, but it’s definitely tempting at times.
Love it! It’s no more rude than demanding that someone else create an entire person!
Ah you say that now….
I would honestly kick you square in the shins if you were here now. So angry making! >:(
I’m a card-carrying babymaker.
I love growing the perfect little creatures inside of me, I love watching them grow and learn. Watching them pick up my best habits AND my worst ones.
I also feel very sorry for anyone who isn’t *able* to have kids.
For those who don’t *want* kids, I think “Fair play to you. Imagine all that sleep. All those meals eaten at the temperature they were cooked to. The books you’ll read, the people you’ll meet, the places you’ll see.”
I wonder if perhaps a little jealousy plays a part in people’s reactions. I wouldn’t change my life for anything in the world, but I know I’ve chosen a path with many sacrifices and frustrations along the way. Perhaps some people are tired of those sacrifices and want you to share the burden?
I’ve never once given out to anyone for choosing to have their hair blonde, for not reading as many books as I do, for pursuing a different degree. Why on earth would it be my place to put you down for not having the same views on children as I do?
However, I do reserve the right to bore the pants off you with stories of my munchkins. It’s my maternal right!
It’s insane. Equally insane is the assumption that, once you are married, the babies will turn up straight away. And if they don’t, the “why’s” start there too. (And I am not talking family here, I am talking acquaintances asking after your reproductive health).
There seems to be a script out there – if you don’t conform to it (not wanting to be in a couple, not having babies at the expected time or at all) the shock is immense.
Maybe a spot of repression would be a good thing, an embarrassment about asking people about their reproductive plans. What business is it of anyone except those directly involved?